When You've Got No One To Tell Them To...

The Story

All of these lines across my face
Tell you the story of who I am
So many stories of where I've been
And how I got to where I am
But these stories don't mean anything
When you've got no one to tell them to
It's true...I was made for you

I climbed across the mountain tops
Swam all across the ocean blue
I crossed all the lines and I broke all the rules
But baby I broke them all for you

Oh, Because even when I was flat broke
You made me feel like a million bucks
You do
I was made for you

You see the smile that's on my mouth
It's hiding the words that don't come out
And all of my friends who think that I'm blessed
They don't know my head is a mess
No, they don't know who I really am
And they don't know what I've been through like you do
And I was made for you

All of these lines across my face
Tell you the story of who I am
So many stories of where I've been
And how I got to where I am
But these stories don't mean anything
When you've got no one to tell them to
It's true
I was made for you

Do Shoulder Pads Mean More Money?

New Job...New Job.....New (period) Job (period)

I have officially passed all the prelim, contingency offer requests and have been offered, by far, what may be my biggest "big girl" job yet.

It took over a week just to get past the entire background check, drug test, credit check, sample of blood and signing over of my first unborn child.

I start in about 2 weeks. I will be making a boat load of money. I get a phone and computer.
and I think I would drape myself in velvet...if it were socially acceptable.

The biggest thing about all of this is that I have to wear a suit every day. I shit you not. A suit. Every day.

Is there like a 'Ladies Warehouse' or 'S&K' for Women? I hate shoulder pads and despise nudies. But something smells of Melanie Griffith in 'Working Girl' here...

Could it be b/c I am playing the role she did in "Born Yesterday"?

Uh oh...what do I tell the 'suits' when I have to dye my hair PLATINUM for the show?

All I hope is that I can wear my high-top white sneakers and "walk" with the ladies at lunch.

sweet.

wish me luck and let's pray they don't fire me within the first hour of work.

CURSING FISH

Dyana is my favorite for sending this to me. The 2 Balls and a Dick part is so effin' funny. I think I may just be the voice of all these fish.

"Born Yesterday"

Got the lead. HOLY TAP-DANCING JESUS. I am a lead in a play.

I have to go piss myself now.

SUPER TUESDAY. SCHMUPER TUESDAY.

so, how do you deal with two failing parents? Is there some sort of formula that has proven well for others who are in the 20s and having to deal with it? Can't I 'google' it? Maybe if I Urban Dictionary the term: CAREGIVER, I'll get some great explanation that could possibly work in my situation.

or....

maybe not.

It is what it is, right?

All I really want if for someone to just take my brain, put it into a bucket to let it simmer (as in SIMA-DON-NA)? Or put it in their head and think for me, please. That would be a "please and thank you".

Super Tuesday. How about really Super Tuesday!? I mean like, better than the start of Mardi Gras, day before Ash Wednesday, Super.

Alright, I gotta go vote for the black woman. Right after I go crawl in a hole.

I'll tell you that this Tuesday was superly super. Thanks for askin'.

MICHELE IS REALLY JULIE

"She is sweeter than Julie Andrews singing on a mountain top"....

Mornanis

Dood, this is fucking Moranis. I less than 3 Dyana for this one. Priceless.

Guilty Pleasure Sunday 1/13/08

Well, it is a new year and time for a new installment of GP Sunday.

Today my GP is not really something I feel guilty for liking. However, I do feel guilty for those close to me who have to hear this over and over and over....

I have been introduced to this up-n-coming singer: Ingrid Michaelson.
You may have heard her in-famous song over and over from the IPOD or Gap Commercial (I don't know, they all start to blur into one big race for introducing the youngins to some indie singer and have them race to download and memorize all of their music); "The Way I Am". Or you may have heard her soft voice on some old Grey's Anatomy episode.

Guess I feel into the clever marketing geniuses who put her on there because I have become a huge fan.

Doesn't really matter. She is incredible and has pin-pointed some great emotions to music.

Particularly a few:
"Morning Lullabies"
"The Way I Am"
and Today's most listened to: "Keep Breathing".

Click Here to get a taste....run, don't walk.

Among her, I have become obsessed with Sara Bareilles ("Love Song") and even downloaded (Thanks LIMEWIRE) Kate Nash. All great little folk-ish, indie type songs with a melancholy undertone to most songs.

Talked to Dad today. He is fading and fading. Sometimes it seems with the minutes.
I guess all I can do is just keep breathing...

The storm is coming but I don't mind.
People are dying, I close my blinds.

All that i know is I'm breathing now.

I want to change the world...instead I sleep.
I want to believe in more than you and me.

But all that I know is I'm breathing.
All i can do is keep breathing.
All we can do is keep breathing now.

All that I know is I'm breathing.
All I can do is keep breathing.
All we can do is keep breathing now.

All we can do is keep breathing
All we can do is keep breathing
All we can do is keep breathing
All we can do is keep breathing.
All we can do is keep breathing now.

GIVES ME CHILLS!

I AM THE NEW YEAR

I am the New Year.
I am an unspoiled page in your book of time.
I am your next chance at the art of living.

I am your opportunity to practice
what you have learned about life
during the last twelve months.

All that you sought
and didn't find is hidden in me,
waiting for you to search it out
with more determination.

All the good that you tried for
and didn't achieve is mine to grant
when you have fewer conflicting desires.

All that you dreamed but didn't dare to do,
all that you hoped but did not will,
all the faith that you claimed but did not have -
these slumber lightly,
waiting to be awakened by the touch of a strong purpose.

I am your opportunity to renew
your allegiance to Him who said,
'behold, I make all things new.'

I am the New Year.

January 1st, 2008. DRUNK.

I will just start off by saying that while trying to Post this new blog I:
a. knocked over my mirror.
b. spelled my log in name wrong approx 3 times (it is my own name)
4. spelled January wrong like nine time until finally just using spell check....

Hell, typing the last 25 words was like a one legged man in ass kicking contest. I was sweating just trying to get the words out and spelled right.

I am wasted.
went out for the New Year.
Got Hammered,
Threw up twice.
have a spinning headache (that is why I am NOT laying down)
and thought typing would be a piece of cake.

Why do we think these things.

2007 was absolutely nuts. hard. crazy. unexpected. funny....and all those crazy things you say when a year goes by that was completely out of control, up and down, hard and all in between.

My dad is dying.
My Mom is crazy.
My brother is 2 years sober.
I was laid off.
Lost friends.
Found Friends.

All that is just pennies to my dad being sick. I am so sad at the thought of losing him.

Yes, the alcohol pouring through my veins is a factor in this but I really can't help to say it right now. And this blog, as corny as it may be, feels like a soft pillow of relief to my spinning head. And even though it goes to no one, I feel at least I can get what I feel at this moment off my chest.

I miss him so much. I am lost. I am so lucky to have had such a magnificent man in my life who was nothing short of a saint. Never asked for a thing. And most importantly, dealt with my sick mom.

I hope one day I can have kids and love them. Love them til they know nothing else. Love them so they feel safe and know that they can go out in this world and conquer whatever comes their way. Because, as selfish as this is, and I know it is beyond selfish....I wish I had that. i wish I felt safe out there. I wish I felt that no matter what, I could come home to that.

I love you dad. I love you so much that my bones ache. I love you so much and wish that you didn't have to suffer a day more. I want to make every little last hair on your body be safe and feel loved. I know you don't feel that way with her around and are so scared but one day God will let you know that I love you. I wish there were enough words to tell you this. I know my calls and visits won't be nearly enough.

I just love you so much. I hope that when you finally reach those pearly gates you can look up and see the statute they have of you. Because you truly are a saint.

I hate to see you go and I will miss you so much. But obviously God has other plans.

You are loved. You are truly loved.

Thank you alcohol for letting me be able to write all of this.

Thank you alcohol for allowing me to make it through another New Year's....

TO DAD....

Love,
Your Daughter,