"You Are On Candid Camera"

2009-01-16T14:29:00.002-05:00

Feeling lost or afraid to move. Don't know if this should be sung to me or sung by me...

Don't hang up, can't we talk
So confused it's like I'm lost
What went wrong, what made you go
Don't pretend you don't know
This is me...I'm unchangable

When did we fall apart
Or did you lie from the start
When you said, it's only you
I was blind, such a fool
Thinking we were unbreakable
It was you and me, against the world
And you promised me forever more

Was it something that I said
Was it something that I did
Cause I gotta know what made me unbeautiful

I've been told what's done is done
To let it go and carry on
Deep inside I know that's true
I'm stuck in time
stuck on youW
hen We were still untouchable

Wake up, wake up, wake up
Cause I'm only dreaming
Get out, get out, get out, get out
Get out of my head now
Because we're much better altogether
Can't let go

It was you and me
against the world
And you promised me forever more
Was it something that I said
Was it something that I did
Cause I gotta know what made me unbeautiful...

When You've Got No One To Tell Them To...

2008-08-13T22:05:00.003-04:00

The Story

All of these lines across my face
Tell you the story of who I am
So many stories of where I've been
And how I got to where I am
But these stories don't mean anything
When you've got no one to tell them to
It's true...I was made for you

I climbed across the mountain tops
Swam all across the ocean blue
I crossed all the lines and I broke all the rules
But baby I broke them all for you

Oh, Because even when I was flat broke
You made me feel like a million bucks
You do
I was made for you

You see the smile that's on my mouth
It's hiding the words that don't come out
And all of my friends who think that I'm blessed
They don't know my head is a mess
No, they don't know who I really am
And they don't know what I've been through like you do
And I was made for you

All of these lines across my face
Tell you the story of who I am
So many stories of where I've been
And how I got to where I am
But these stories don't mean anything
When you've got no one to tell them to
It's true
I was made for you

Do Shoulder Pads Mean More Money?

2008-03-08T00:50:00.004-05:00

New Job...New Job.....New (period) Job (period)

I have officially passed all the prelim, contingency offer requests and have been offered, by far, what may be my biggest "big girl" job yet.

It took over a week just to get past the entire background check, drug test, credit check, sample of blood and signing over of my first unborn child.

I start in about 2 weeks. I will be making a boat load of money. I get a phone and computer.
and I think I would drape myself in velvet...if it were socially acceptable.

The biggest thing about all of this is that I have to wear a suit every day. I shit you not. A suit. Every day.

Is there like a 'Ladies Warehouse' or 'S&K' for Women? I hate shoulder pads and despise nudies. But something smells of Melanie Griffith in 'Working Girl' here...

Could it be b/c I am playing the role she did in "Born Yesterday"?

Uh oh...what do I tell the 'suits' when I have to dye my hair PLATINUM for the show?

All I hope is that I can wear my high-top white sneakers and "walk" with the ladies at lunch.

sweet.

wish me luck and let's pray they don't fire me within the first hour of work.

CURSING FISH

2008-02-23T22:00:00.002-05:00

Dyana is my favorite for sending this to me. The 2 Balls and a Dick part is so effin' funny. I think I may just be the voice of all these fish.

"Born Yesterday"

2008-02-13T21:03:00.002-05:00

Got the lead. HOLY TAP-DANCING JESUS. I am a lead in a play.

I have to go piss myself now.

SUPER TUESDAY. SCHMUPER TUESDAY.

2008-02-05T21:15:00.000-05:00

so, how do you deal with two failing parents? Is there some sort of formula that has proven well for others who are in the 20s and having to deal with it? Can't I 'google' it? Maybe if I Urban Dictionary the term: CAREGIVER, I'll get some great explanation that could possibly work in my situation.

or....

maybe not.

It is what it is, right?

All I really want if for someone to just take my brain, put it into a bucket to let it simmer (as in SIMA-DON-NA)? Or put it in their head and think for me, please. That would be a "please and thank you".

Super Tuesday. How about really Super Tuesday!? I mean like, better than the start of Mardi Gras, day before Ash Wednesday, Super.

Alright, I gotta go vote for the black woman. Right after I go crawl in a hole.

I'll tell you that this Tuesday was superly super. Thanks for askin'.

MICHELE IS REALLY JULIE

2008-02-05T21:02:00.000-05:00

"She is sweeter than Julie Andrews singing on a mountain top"....

Mornanis

2008-01-26T12:11:00.000-05:00

Dood, this is fucking Moranis. I less than 3 Dyana for this one. Priceless.

Guilty Pleasure Sunday 1/13/08

2008-01-13T19:48:00.000-05:00

Well, it is a new year and time for a new installment of GP Sunday.

Today my GP is not really something I feel guilty for liking. However, I do feel guilty for those close to me who have to hear this over and over and over....

I have been introduced to this up-n-coming singer: Ingrid Michaelson.
You may have heard her in-famous song over and over from the IPOD or Gap Commercial (I don't know, they all start to blur into one big race for introducing the youngins to some indie singer and have them race to download and memorize all of their music); "The Way I Am". Or you may have heard her soft voice on some old Grey's Anatomy episode.

Guess I feel into the clever marketing geniuses who put her on there because I have become a huge fan.

Doesn't really matter. She is incredible and has pin-pointed some great emotions to music.

Particularly a few:
"Morning Lullabies"
"The Way I Am"
and Today's most listened to: "Keep Breathing".

Click Here to get a taste....run, don't walk.

Among her, I have become obsessed with Sara Bareilles ("Love Song") and even downloaded (Thanks LIMEWIRE) Kate Nash. All great little folk-ish, indie type songs with a melancholy undertone to most songs.

Talked to Dad today. He is fading and fading. Sometimes it seems with the minutes.
I guess all I can do is just keep breathing...

The storm is coming but I don't mind.
People are dying, I close my blinds.

All that i know is I'm breathing now.

I want to change the world...instead I sleep.
I want to believe in more than you and me.

But all that I know is I'm breathing.
All i can do is keep breathing.
All we can do is keep breathing now.

All that I know is I'm breathing.
All I can do is keep breathing.
All we can do is keep breathing now.

All we can do is keep breathing
All we can do is keep breathing
All we can do is keep breathing
All we can do is keep breathing.
All we can do is keep breathing now.

GIVES ME CHILLS!

2008-01-05T21:39:00.000-05:00

I AM THE NEW YEAR

2008-01-05T21:02:00.000-05:00

I am the New Year.
I am an unspoiled page in your book of time.
I am your next chance at the art of living.

I am your opportunity to practice
what you have learned about life
during the last twelve months.

All that you sought
and didn't find is hidden in me,
waiting for you to search it out
with more determination.

All the good that you tried for
and didn't achieve is mine to grant
when you have fewer conflicting desires.

All that you dreamed but didn't dare to do,
all that you hoped but did not will,
all the faith that you claimed but did not have -
these slumber lightly,
waiting to be awakened by the touch of a strong purpose.

I am your opportunity to renew
your allegiance to Him who said,
'behold, I make all things new.'

I am the New Year.

January 1st, 2008. DRUNK.

2008-01-01T05:14:00.000-05:00

I will just start off by saying that while trying to Post this new blog I:
a. knocked over my mirror.
b. spelled my log in name wrong approx 3 times (it is my own name)
4. spelled January wrong like nine time until finally just using spell check....

Hell, typing the last 25 words was like a one legged man in ass kicking contest. I was sweating just trying to get the words out and spelled right.

I am wasted.
went out for the New Year.
Got Hammered,
Threw up twice.
have a spinning headache (that is why I am NOT laying down)
and thought typing would be a piece of cake.

Why do we think these things.

2007 was absolutely nuts. hard. crazy. unexpected. funny....and all those crazy things you say when a year goes by that was completely out of control, up and down, hard and all in between.

My dad is dying.
My Mom is crazy.
My brother is 2 years sober.
I was laid off.
Lost friends.
Found Friends.

All that is just pennies to my dad being sick. I am so sad at the thought of losing him.

Yes, the alcohol pouring through my veins is a factor in this but I really can't help to say it right now. And this blog, as corny as it may be, feels like a soft pillow of relief to my spinning head. And even though it goes to no one, I feel at least I can get what I feel at this moment off my chest.

I miss him so much. I am lost. I am so lucky to have had such a magnificent man in my life who was nothing short of a saint. Never asked for a thing. And most importantly, dealt with my sick mom.

I hope one day I can have kids and love them. Love them til they know nothing else. Love them so they feel safe and know that they can go out in this world and conquer whatever comes their way. Because, as selfish as this is, and I know it is beyond selfish....I wish I had that. i wish I felt safe out there. I wish I felt that no matter what, I could come home to that.

I love you dad. I love you so much that my bones ache. I love you so much and wish that you didn't have to suffer a day more. I want to make every little last hair on your body be safe and feel loved. I know you don't feel that way with her around and are so scared but one day God will let you know that I love you. I wish there were enough words to tell you this. I know my calls and visits won't be nearly enough.

I just love you so much. I hope that when you finally reach those pearly gates you can look up and see the statute they have of you. Because you truly are a saint.

I hate to see you go and I will miss you so much. But obviously God has other plans.

You are loved. You are truly loved.

Thank you alcohol for letting me be able to write all of this.

Thank you alcohol for allowing me to make it through another New Year's....

TO DAD....

Love,
Your Daughter,

I'll Be Home For Christmas....

2007-12-20T11:26:00.001-05:00

Well, not really home. I will be in Charlotte, NC. The place that my brother and (as of three weeks ago) my parents call home. It will be the first Christmas in about 12 years that we have spent together as a family unit.

Things I can count on:
1. Wanting to drive my Mother over a cliff.
2. Enjoying time with my Dad for , what may be, his last Christmas.
3. Again, wanting to drive my mom off a STEEP cliff.
4. Carla unpacking all of my mom's 19 closets worth of clothes while she sits and points where everything should go then throw a box at me for it being wrong.
5. See 1 & 3
6. My Brother, Dad and I escaping for hours on end so we don't have to deal with said Mother
7. Meeting my brother's girlfriend who is younger than I am. My brother is 7 years older than I am....so, you do the math.
8. After approximately 30 secs of hearing my Mother yell, wanting to drive her over a cliff.

So, I may have missed a Guilty Pleasure last week. I think it would be safe to say that it definitely would have been: MY FREEDOM-thousands of miles away.

Don't get me wrong, I am so excited to be with my father. I want to spend as much time with him as I can...

But my Mom...well, let's just say there better be "NO WIRE HANGERS!" (if you don't get that then you should kick yourself).

So, at this lovely Holiday Season. I wish you all a Very Merry Christmas.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JESUS.

See you all in about 10 days!

Guilty Pleasure Sunday 12/09/07 (on 12/12/07)

2007-12-12T01:17:00.000-05:00

Okay, so I can easily admit to having the worst sleeping habits in the world. Done and Done. Due to this lovely trait, I have been privileged to catch the best of the best on late night television.

I Never watched this show when it was actually airing (circa 1991) but have found it now and cannot get enough of it. I literally DVR the episodes (on at 3am and 3:30am) and watch them until I am punching myself in laughter.

So, this week's GP is: The game show from Nickelodeon GUTS, 'Get The Picture'.

I wanted to find a really funny clip of the show but You Tube failed me on that end. I found a few clips after learning that the host, Micheal O'Malley is now a star from some crappy sitcom like; 'Yes Dear'. I was totally convinced he died from a speed ball overdose after he was snorting lines on the set of 'GTP' with the announcer, Henry J (yes, I have acronym'd it).

Totally and Wicked Awesome.

Fall from Grace.

2007-12-11T16:55:00.001-05:00

Above is a trailer to a Documentary that I watched this past week.

I was laying in my bed, trying to fall asleep at a decent hour (avant 7 am). My shows had not taped on Sunday--FUCKING DVR ASSHOLES! (if anyone has them taped and can let me come see what happened to Felicity's husband PLEASE E-MAIL ME)

So, I was seeing if I could get 'Dexter' on Demand when I came across this movie.

I won't go into how it is wrong what this man preaches or how he is a living Hitler or that all of his children seem to be "fags" themselves. However, I am officially putting out a request:

To any and all of my gay friends: Would you be interested in going to one of the rallies or events they are picketing at, get liquored up (some of you may not need to) and have hard-core, animal, gay sex in front of them while they are picketing?

I know, I know...I thought of this and cannot believe how brilliant of an idea it is!
Picture them standing there watching two guys have sex right in front of them. Or two Lesbians licking each other's...faces.

If you have the chance, please watch this documentary. I think it was around where the 5 year old says; "those fags are dirty bastards" when I realized I was not getting to bed at an early time that night.

What Smells?

2007-12-06T04:04:00.000-05:00

Three things about this photo:

a. who stuffed me into that sweater, put my hair into a stringer and then allowed me to actually step out of my house? Thanks Bella...

2. This is a still to video that is located at:
http://www.wgrztv.com/life/programming/shows/todayinwny/TodayInWNY_Article.aspx?storyid=53332

**the sound cuts out about 5 secs in but if you watch, about a min or so into it I make the best face. Thank you camera-man.

and

c. This is a permanent picture on the website.

awe.some.
Truly awesome.

Guilty Pleasure Sunday 12/2/07

2007-12-02T17:58:00.000-05:00

I have one Guilty Pleasure for this lovely, snowy, 2nd Day of December.

Okay, I am gonna receive HUGE dung flings for this but...

Today's Guilty Pleasure is: Barbra Streisand.

I think I am secretly a young, gay man in a short, Italian girl's clothing. I can't help but listen (and LOUDLY sing along with) any tune in which I hear her Brooklyn, Jewish lungs beltin' out a vibrato at the end of a song. This may be all be due to the fact that I took a little cat nap today and woke up to 'HELLO DOLLY' on TV...on the highest volume I think my TV would go.

I mean I like her but I am not a huge fan. Its not like I have seen all of her movies, know that she removed an extra "a" from her name, her middle name is Jean, OR that I have an original B&W concert poster of her from about 30 years ago--framed and hanging in bedroom. No, not a REALLY BIG fan of her or anything. Not at all.

"AND THAT HAS NEVER HAPPENED"

2007-11-19T03:55:00.001-05:00

" The Tip Just Got Me, Odell"

2007-11-19T03:50:00.000-05:00

"FOLKS, RIGHT NOW...WE MAY NEED EMERGENCY SURGERY IN THE STUDIO"

Guilty Pleasure Sunday 11/18/07 (on 11/19/07)

2007-11-19T03:38:00.000-05:00

One word for this week's guilty pleasure: sleep.

That's all.

Once Again, FALLING IS FUNNY!

2007-11-15T16:57:00.000-05:00

Listen to the very end. So funny. I could watch this over and over and over and over....

I WANT TO EAT THIS PUPPY!

2007-11-15T02:15:00.000-05:00

This is the cutest thing ever. If you do not think so, then you have issues.

I want, want, want, want, want, want a puppy, this puppy.

Puppy Whistle - The most amazing videos are a click away

FALLING IS FUNNY.

2007-11-13T23:13:00.001-05:00

The news anchor's laugh is probably the funniest part. Still laughing.

Thanks Lou! XOXO

Guilty Pleasure Sunday 11/11/07 (on 11/12/07)

2007-11-13T04:06:00.000-05:00

Okay, I may be a day late on this but as the saying goes: "better late than never"--That really should also be my life motto (but I'll save that commentary for a later date). So, it is Sunday (or really late Monday morning) and it is time for the next installment of Guilty Pleasure Sunday. (refer back to GP 11/4/07) for more info).

So, today I am only putting one thing that I see as this past week's (or month or past year and year to come) GP.

It is one word. Not sure if Merriam Webster has declared that but 90% of the human race that uses the internet certainly knows it as one word.

Are you ready?

Yes, it is: Facebook.

Ok, ok, insert jokes here -->...wait, let me do it for you: Are you supposed to be under 16 to be on that? Are you really that big of nerd that you have to play on that shit all day? Carla, even though you can't make friends in real life doesn't mean you can solicit them on the internet? Have you met your future husband yet? (and to that last one)..is he of legal age?

I think that covers some of the basics.

But let's face it. When has keeping in touch with all (yes, ALL) of your friends, acquaintances, old co-workers, schoolmates, etc in one central location and not have to leave your home or even change out of your jammies ever been so easy? Social Networking has sky rocketed with these sites (amongst many others).

I mean, when was the last time you could take a picture of your brand new kitty, post it somewhere where everyone you know can see it and then get a comment from your third grade teacher on just how cute it is? All within a 20 minute period? (Note: a. that question is rhetorical because I know someone reading this just did that and 2. my third grade teacher is not on it....or so I think).

Believe me, you think you'd never do anything like it. But, I swear to you that it is completely addicting. Like Crack, I tell ya. Do it. Go make yourself a page. Find your friends. Before you know it, you'll be sitting on your computer looking through your best friend's cousin's sister wedding photos and it won't even phase you...

I guarantee it.

Now, you'll have to excuse me. I have to go see if my third grade teacher has a page.

I LOVE ME SOME REBA!

2007-11-07T23:52:00.000-05:00

That's it. I am now a Country fan. I never thought it's happen. I always said, "no way, I hate that corny, twangy music". Well, I am now my very own hypocrite because I am sitting here, fresh from watching the CMAs (Country Music Awards) on TV and I have fucking tunes from such greats as Sugarland and Reba McEntire playing over in my head as I try to hum my way through the lines I don't know while making my cat hide under my bed.
Somehow the whole: shotmywifethenkickedmydogwhoranawaywiththemilkmaninmy67rustypickup-esque type music has crept into my head and placed a nice ear worm in me.

To prove this, today I spent 45 mins walking between the New Releases wall and Country in FYE (the new name for Media Play). Ended up with Ani Difranco's Canon ( a 2 disc set with all the oldies re-done and some new ones that I heard at her concert on sale for $13.99). However, I did have Reba's Duets in my hand all the way up into the check-out line when I realized...

"Carla, you are not buying a country CD, let alone a Duet one."

So, what does all this mean? Well, I have no idea. Guess it means I am growing up. I mean, you can only love Block Rockin' Beats and Uncensored Rap for so long before you realize you look like a complete ass singing along to KISS 98.5 while dressed in a business suit and driving 130 mph to work.

I am all for trying new things. So, who knows, maybe next I'll try some Christian Rock...

HELL NO!

Guilty Pleasure Sunday 11/4/07

2007-11-04T16:08:00.000-05:00

So, I've decided that I will try and do a post each Sunday with some of the week's Guilty Pleasures, GP's if you will. These can be: Songs, TV Shows, Movies...Basically any noun.

So here is my list for this Sunday:

1. TURNING CLOCKS BACK --- 2am turned to 1am right before my eyes and I was like a kid on x-mas morning (minus the screaming mom and QVC boxes).

2. I LOVE NEW YORK 2 --- Show is ridiculous. Absolute shite. Like a train wreck, I just can't stop watching.

3. LMN --- I have just watched 3 Lifetime movies (one starring RICKI LAKE). I don't know who I am more mad at; myself for watching all this or the network for putting such bad actress' and actors in movies that are more addicting than CRACK.

Okay. That is it for today. I have so many more and I will save those for Sundays to come. I'd love to hear or read some of your GP's...if you are reading this, then send 'em on. I may just lavish in your GP glory too!

Back to Lifetime. I am crossing my fingers that Victoria Principle, Tori Spelling or Meridith Baxter Birney(?) are in one of the next five movies....

Santa Margherita and Brownies

2007-11-02T23:22:00.001-04:00

So, I had total plans of just picking up brownie mix, mixing it with water and 30 mins later voila: 24 perfectly made brownies. ...nope.

Okay, let's go back about 20+ years. I am a diabetic. Yes, the type that Wiflord Brimley discusses on his info-mercials as bein' diabetus. I am the real kind. No HIV or illness that progresses into it-I am the real deal. 100% Juvenile Onset Certified. Not that that is any excuse AT ALL and I am not trying to use it as that.

But this leads me to tell you that:
I NEVER make desserts---of any kind. But I never thought these would be such an issue. I need about e'nuff for 60+people. Should be easy, right?

Yeah, well it wasn't.
isn't and in fact, they never got made.

So, now I have to wake up at like 7 am and make 60+ brownies.

Guess it doesn't help that I was watching the Sabres lose to Florida. I mean, c'mon. Assholes you live in ice and snow and you have to lose to a team that lives in the Sun and Sand. Fuck off guys. You should realize that you are being paid a gazillions dollars and you should be winning.

I am going to bed. I have had three glasses of wine and just don't feel like BettyFuckingCrocker right now. Hopefully, I am willing to do all of this work in the morning. But, we'll see.

At least I'll see my cousins tomorrow so that will be super nice. Now I am off to watching shit TV and drifting off to sleep land.

Nighty Night.

"Across the Universe"

2007-11-01T01:10:00.001-04:00

So, tonight I went to see "Across the Universe": Directed by Julie Taymor and stars Evan Rachel Wood and Jim Burgess (with guest appearances by Bono and Joe Cocker!). Went to the Dipson on Main St. (always a treat). Four words for you: go see this movie.

Reasons why I say this:
1. If you like music, any kind of music (Beatles fans a +). Go see this movie.
2. If you like English accents. Go see this movie.
3. If you like interpretive dance. Go see this movie
4. If you find the 60's interesting. Go see this movie.

Now, this is not my usual, independent, quirky, try-to-hard-to-not-think-too-hard, indie movie that I love. It is also highly (no pun intended) filled with "psychedelic-y" type shots and situations. But the take on almost every Beatles song transformed and transposed into a different speed or key and then completely tied to the story line AND sung completely by the cast (who, by the way, all have great voices and mimic those of Janis Joplin, Jimi Hendrix etc.) is spine tingling good. I got the chills throughout the whole movie.

Damn, means I have to go shave my legs again....
eh, it was worth it.

Blogging Cherry Popped!

2007-10-27T02:40:00.001-04:00

So, I have succumbed to the world of blogging. I figured, since I don't have many people to talk to and when I do talk, it is usually a mixture of hyperactive diarhea of the mouth, that this may be a constructive way to talk about my life. Eh, we'll see.

Not sure if I will keep up with it. But after some of the shit that goes through my mind, I am sure it will be a fun venture into the world of sharing my un-important and sometimes mundane day-to-day activities.

It is 2:45am and I have to be up at 7 for breakfast with a friend and then driving up to the 1000 Islands to assess the house sale "situation".

This growing up shit is not fun. I don't care what anybody says. it sucks.

Be back Monday.